Tuesday, November 24, 2009

"Any Color But Black" Friday Sale

All around the nation this Friday morning, even late Thursday night, legions of Americans will be interrupting their weekend of food, family and gratitude to participate in a barbaric ritual perpetrated by retailers that has come to be called "Black Friday." These poor people will be waiting in lines, huddled against the cold, to be among the first to grab a coveted "door buster" and get a marginally good deal on a holiday item. Baited by the stores and malls, these valiant shoppers fight for parking, take their place in those early morning lines and hope it will all be worth it. Instead, they could be sleeping in their warm beds, enjoying an early morning walk, or having a slice of leftover pie with their families, all still in their cozy pajamas. Tsk, tsk. Is this what Thanksgiving weekend has come to? Black Friday, indeed.

I am here to show America a better way. Announcing Torreh's First Annual Any Color But Black Friday Uppercase Living Sale.

Now, instead of being on your feet in line, you can shop from your favorite seat at home, a cup of something warm by your side, all comfy and cozy in your leopard print Snuggie. If you don't feel like it, you don't even have to put on a bra.

Here are the rules:
  1. There will be no discounts on products ordered before noon. So don't wake up at the crack of dawn thinking you're getting ahead of everyone.
  2. Quantities are not limited. Get as much as you want, and then tell your friends and they can get as much as they want too.
  3. Discounts and promotions are not valid on website orders. You must call or email me.
  4. Only the promotion at the time of your call or email is valid at that time. However, you can plan ahead and order at more than one time.
  5. Discounts do not apply to current party or Open House orders.
  6. There will be no hitting, running, fighting, or grabbing items out of the hands of aggressive shoppers.
Now that we have that out of the way, here are the hourly deals:

Noon-2 P.M. 10% off all accessories

2 P.M.-4 P.M. Free chalk pen with all Chalk Wall purchases

4 P.M.-6 P.M. Get one free 3" embellishment with each set of coasters purchased

6 P.M.-8 P.M. 10% off all items in Shimmer Vinyl or Etched Glass - includes upgrade fee!


But wait, there's still more! These additional promotions are in effect the entire day:
  • All orders of $200 or more (before tax, S&H, and discounts) qualify for hostess benefits and additional free product
  • Your pre-discounted order will be eligible to earn free monthly incentive expressions
  • Refer a friend discount: if a friend who's not currently my client places an order and tells me she or he was referred by you, you both get an additional 5% discount off your order.
  • Schedule a party discount: schedule a future Uppercase Living home party and receive 10% off your entire order placed Friday.
  • Free Value Pack offer applies to all Photo Print orders of 4x4 or greater
(this is the part where you start humming The Battle Hymn of the Republic)

So now, America, the decision is yours. Will you crawl out of your warm bed on a cold morning to fight for a few good deals? Or will you shop smarter, not harder, do something fun, enjoy spending time with your family, and have a stuffing and mashed potato sandwich while you browse my catalog and website and save money from your favorite chair. I think the choice is obvious.

No comments:


Blog Widget by LinkWithin